her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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