he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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