I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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