Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize