Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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