didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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