I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize