what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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