so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize