so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize