the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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