You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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