If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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