real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize