What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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