I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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