Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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