now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I smell stomach acid.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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