"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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