I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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