my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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