when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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