Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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