I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
the raccoons are back...
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