Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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