3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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