she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want a musical about memes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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