She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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