Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hotel room ftw
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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