I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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