$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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