My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize