is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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