I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you never un-have a 4some
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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