i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize