He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize