I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize