i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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