If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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