Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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