Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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