i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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