They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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