Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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