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She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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