I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize