Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize