every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize