ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize