the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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